i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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