remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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