I'm drive I can fine osifer
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
