this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This baby is an asshole
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
