The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
