We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
