i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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