Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
