Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
