Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
