so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
