im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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