Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
