I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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