The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
