He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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