The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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