He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
