When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
