his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
