I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
