so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A+ Viking dick
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
