3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
