first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
