You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
