I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
