I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
