I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
