She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
