Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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