I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
