She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
