I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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