i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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