In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
