if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I touched a dick in church today
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
