I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
