Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
