got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
