I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize