...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
