Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
