ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
