I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
