I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
