ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
