I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
