Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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