Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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