I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
